To Be or Not to Be...Included and Belong
My family moved to southern Vermont in 2007. We drove across the country from our home under the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles--the only home I'd ever known.
In Los Angeles, I was involved in Joey (John's brother) Travolta's Actors for Autism for three years. Joey's program was for young people like me with high-function autism (HFA), formerly known as Asperger's syndrome. Every Saturday, we went to his studio to practice skits and be videotaped. The idea was build social skills and show us how we are in real life when others see us.
Because all of us kids were on the spectrum, each of us had restricted interests and didn't really like group activities because it takes us away from our interests. It takes a special kind of grown-up to get and hold our attention. Just because we have the same diagnosis, doesn't mean we have anything in common. And acting is all about being a part of a group, or troupe.
But then, the lady who took over from Joey brought in Brad Kopenick, an actor and drama teacher, to show us how to make our own individual stop action films about our restricted interests. A filmmaker named Alex Rotaro filmed our progress and eventually released a documentary called "Kids with Cameras." You can see the trailer at this link: Kids with Cameras . It won a lot of awards and I had the best time being an actor...I was hooked.
One of the first things that happened when we arrived here was that my mom called New England Youth Theatre (NEYT) to enroll me in drama classes. When they found out I had autism, the people who ran the theatre assigned me to a special acting troupe called Theatre Adventure Program (TAP), which is a group of kids with mixed developmental disabilities. I was in TAP for four years. I loved the program, but longed to belong to the "regular" NEYT acting troupe--the kids who did mainstream plays like Romeo and Juliet, The Crucible, Willy Wonka, Fiddler on the Roof, the Taming of the Shrew. These kids seemed so full of fun and life; they seemed to be brimming with confidence, singing in the hallways, leaping onto each other's backs, turning cartwheels and laughing together.
I quit TAP because I felt bad that I wasn't in regular theatre at NEYT. I have known since I was five or six that I have autism, but at 16, I was grieving for who I wasn't--someone who could throw my arm around another person and sing in the hallways of NEYT. I was sick of being "that kid with autism." That kid who could count his friends on one finger.
Without TAP in my life, I felt lost. But I felt I wasn't good enough for regular theatre. I was in an in-between place. I concentrated on my Chinese studies.
In spring of 2012, I saw Stephen Stearns, one of the founders of NEYT, at a neighborhood party where his wife was singing in a chorus. I had a friend of my mom's introduce me to Stephen's wife Bonnie, who told me she admired my work in TAP. I realized it was now or never--this was the opening I needed. I asked Bonnie to introduce me to Stephen. And in my usual Aspie way, I was blunt.
"When are you going to let me be in one of your plays?" I asked him.
"Have you auditioned for anything?" he asked me.
I told him that I hadn't...but I didn't tell him why. "Well, that's all you have to do," he told me.
A few weeks later, I got my courage together and spoke to Michelle, who runs NEYT's operations. She was encouraging and told me that auditions were coming up for Fantastic Mr. Fox--a play based on the book by my favorite author, Roald Dahl. The director was a special woman named Jane Baker who my family already knew and liked. Jane has a great sense of humor and is the kind of person who likes to do the right thing. My mom and me met with her at the Brattleboro Food Co-op for coffee. My mom let me do that talking. I asked Jane if she would take a chance and let me be in my first regular play.
Not only did she let me be in the play, she gave me the role of Farmer Bean--the meanest farmer of all! I loved everything about being in regular theatre...I loved Jane most of all because she reached out to me and gave me the confidence and support I needed to make it.
I didn't make friends in the regular acting troupe, but I was there and felt this was the first step. Plus, I interviewed the other founder of NEYT, Peter Gould, for a class project and he immediately took me under his wing and made me feel accepted. I wanted to show Peter and Stephen that I appreciated their support and prove to them I could be in regular plays at NEYT.
I also enrolled in a Broadway singing class at NEYT. A lot of people with autism have perfect pitch and I'm one of them, but the details of singing are confusing for me. I have a hard time singing my tenor part if my ears hear someone else singing soprano. The teacher, Alissa, is super-patient with me. I am still working on this.
To prove to myself that I had real acting ability and that the Mr. Fox play wasn't a freak accident, I decided to challenge myself by joining Young Shakespeare Players-East (YSP-E), which advertised itself as inclusive with no one being turned away. If you have a cognitive disability and want to do Shakespeare, however, you still have to go the extra mile. After talking privately with Suzanne who runs the troupe, I was accepted and ended up being cast in three scenes from very serious plays by William Shakespeare. I gave "the breach speech" from Henry V, played Lord Mountjoy from Henry V and Bardolph from Henry IV. I am so glad I did this and I've never worked so hard in my life!
Then, the NEYT audition for Hairspray was announced and I knew this was the Big Test because Stephen Stearns HIMSELF was directing! I was cast in several small roles, including a cross-dressing shop clerk in a pink dress and a wig! I even had to wear a bra!
Again, I didn't become close friends with anyone, which is painful to admit. I know I am socially awkward. But the assistant director, Stephen and Alec, Peter and Henry, who were the stars of the show, made big efforts to make me feel special. Alec even drove me to the cast party on the last night.
Stephen again cast me in several small parts for Oliver! which was the big sold-out 2013 holiday production for NEYT. Although the friends part of being in regular theatre isn't happening as I dreamed it would, I am now comfortable backstage with the others--and there are some fellow actors who talk with me a bit. The hard part for me, as an Aspie, is figuring out how to keep the conversation going and take it to the next level where friendships happen. That piece is missing but I'm hopeful it will come together before I am too old for NEYT.
I'm looking forward to taking more acting and performing classes this winter and spring at NEYT. And here is what I've learned from being in regular theatre--in life, you are always auditioning. You audition for friends, for jobs, for parts in plays and eventually, for marriage. And hopefully, if it's what you want, you get the part. But then you have to do it--to perform, over and over again, even if you have a sore throat or don't feel like it.
Acting is a very good tool for those on the autistic spectrum. Being able to put yourself in others' shoes is not one of our strengths. Acting can teach us to seem like we are empathic, to modulate our voices and to wait for our turn to speak. These things and others come naturally to many neurotypicals, but not to those of us with ASD.
If you are interested in learning more about the connection between life skills, autism and acting, here are some links:
Voice and Movement
Autism About.com: Drama Therapy
Healthy Living: Drama is Therapeutic
And here is the place I love:
New England Youth Theatre
Because all of us kids were on the spectrum, each of us had restricted interests and didn't really like group activities because it takes us away from our interests. It takes a special kind of grown-up to get and hold our attention. Just because we have the same diagnosis, doesn't mean we have anything in common. And acting is all about being a part of a group, or troupe.
 |
| Me with Brad Kopenick, my first great acting teacher! |
 |
| The DVD with me on the cover |
One of the first things that happened when we arrived here was that my mom called New England Youth Theatre (NEYT) to enroll me in drama classes. When they found out I had autism, the people who ran the theatre assigned me to a special acting troupe called Theatre Adventure Program (TAP), which is a group of kids with mixed developmental disabilities. I was in TAP for four years. I loved the program, but longed to belong to the "regular" NEYT acting troupe--the kids who did mainstream plays like Romeo and Juliet, The Crucible, Willy Wonka, Fiddler on the Roof, the Taming of the Shrew. These kids seemed so full of fun and life; they seemed to be brimming with confidence, singing in the hallways, leaping onto each other's backs, turning cartwheels and laughing together.
I quit TAP because I felt bad that I wasn't in regular theatre at NEYT. I have known since I was five or six that I have autism, but at 16, I was grieving for who I wasn't--someone who could throw my arm around another person and sing in the hallways of NEYT. I was sick of being "that kid with autism." That kid who could count his friends on one finger.
Without TAP in my life, I felt lost. But I felt I wasn't good enough for regular theatre. I was in an in-between place. I concentrated on my Chinese studies.
In spring of 2012, I saw Stephen Stearns, one of the founders of NEYT, at a neighborhood party where his wife was singing in a chorus. I had a friend of my mom's introduce me to Stephen's wife Bonnie, who told me she admired my work in TAP. I realized it was now or never--this was the opening I needed. I asked Bonnie to introduce me to Stephen. And in my usual Aspie way, I was blunt.
"When are you going to let me be in one of your plays?" I asked him.
 |
| With Stephen Stearns, one of two founders of NEYT |
"Have you auditioned for anything?" he asked me.
I told him that I hadn't...but I didn't tell him why. "Well, that's all you have to do," he told me.
A few weeks later, I got my courage together and spoke to Michelle, who runs NEYT's operations. She was encouraging and told me that auditions were coming up for Fantastic Mr. Fox--a play based on the book by my favorite author, Roald Dahl. The director was a special woman named Jane Baker who my family already knew and liked. Jane has a great sense of humor and is the kind of person who likes to do the right thing. My mom and me met with her at the Brattleboro Food Co-op for coffee. My mom let me do that talking. I asked Jane if she would take a chance and let me be in my first regular play.
 |
| With Peter Gould, the other founder of NEYT |
 |
| Me as "Farmer Bean" in Fantastic Mr. Fox |
I also enrolled in a Broadway singing class at NEYT. A lot of people with autism have perfect pitch and I'm one of them, but the details of singing are confusing for me. I have a hard time singing my tenor part if my ears hear someone else singing soprano. The teacher, Alissa, is super-patient with me. I am still working on this.
To prove to myself that I had real acting ability and that the Mr. Fox play wasn't a freak accident, I decided to challenge myself by joining Young Shakespeare Players-East (YSP-E), which advertised itself as inclusive with no one being turned away. If you have a cognitive disability and want to do Shakespeare, however, you still have to go the extra mile. After talking privately with Suzanne who runs the troupe, I was accepted and ended up being cast in three scenes from very serious plays by William Shakespeare. I gave "the breach speech" from Henry V, played Lord Mountjoy from Henry V and Bardolph from Henry IV. I am so glad I did this and I've never worked so hard in my life!
 |
| That's me 3rd from the left! |
Again, I didn't become close friends with anyone, which is painful to admit. I know I am socially awkward. But the assistant director, Stephen and Alec, Peter and Henry, who were the stars of the show, made big efforts to make me feel special. Alec even drove me to the cast party on the last night.
Stephen again cast me in several small parts for Oliver! which was the big sold-out 2013 holiday production for NEYT. Although the friends part of being in regular theatre isn't happening as I dreamed it would, I am now comfortable backstage with the others--and there are some fellow actors who talk with me a bit. The hard part for me, as an Aspie, is figuring out how to keep the conversation going and take it to the next level where friendships happen. That piece is missing but I'm hopeful it will come together before I am too old for NEYT.
 |
| Here I am (far left) as one of Fagin's gang in Oliver! |
Acting is a very good tool for those on the autistic spectrum. Being able to put yourself in others' shoes is not one of our strengths. Acting can teach us to seem like we are empathic, to modulate our voices and to wait for our turn to speak. These things and others come naturally to many neurotypicals, but not to those of us with ASD.
If you are interested in learning more about the connection between life skills, autism and acting, here are some links:
Voice and Movement
Autism About.com: Drama Therapy
Healthy Living: Drama is Therapeutic
And here is the place I love:
New England Youth Theatre
